EM DASH FRONT STALLS OVER THE CONTENT PLAINS — HUMAN WRITERS REPORT BEING ACCUSED OF BEING ROBOTS
A dense band of em dashes continues to blanket the region, contaminating an estimated 60% of paragraphs and casting suspicion on the innocent. The Service reminds the public that the em dash predates the machines, and that several beloved authors used it recklessly for centuries. Punctuation profiling helps no one. Remain calm — but remain alert.
// REGIONAL OUTLOOK
- The Search Results Basin
- 'It's not just X — it's Y' constructions at saturation. It is, in most cases, just X.
- The LinkedIn Plateau
- Moderate. The word 'journey' is currently being applied to software onboarding.
- The Facebook Delta
- A wood carving that does not exist received 200,000 congratulations. The artisan, who also does not exist, says it took him 600 hours.
- The X Badlands
- Gusts of 'Let that sink in.' Nothing has sunk in for months.
- The Spotify Lowlands
- Three new 'chill lofi' artists debuted overnight with no faces, no history, and 4 million streams. Authorities are not looking into it.
// SPECIMEN OF THE DAY
The Common Delve (Delvus ubiquitous)
- Status
- Endemic to machine prose. Spreading to humans via exposure.
- Habitat
- Opening sentences, abstract introductions, anywhere a 'rich tapestry' is being woven.
- Field marks
- A verb that promises depth while preparing to summarize a Wikipedia page. Frequently spotted alongside 'landscape,' 'realm,' and 'ever-evolving.'
- Call
- “In this article, we will delve into the fascinating world of…”
- Not to be confused with
- 'Explore,' a hardy native verb, mostly harmless. Watch for flocking behavior — three or more delves in one paragraph indicates an infestation.
// SPOTTER TIP
Ask the author a follow-up question. Slop cannot answer follow-up questions; it can only restate the original answer with greater confidence.
// TOMORROW
Em dash density expected to persist. A crockpot of counterfeit artisan content is developing over the Facebook Delta.